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This particular type of text, the celebratory one, is kind of difficult today. It`s not me. It`s you. Let me explain

You`re 30 and I love you intensely
that part is a given easy piece of type-flow true and real as zits, ink in skin, salt on fried stuff etc
and
I was thinking about you today at 00:01 when I was peeing in the dark, remembering all the times we pee(d) in the dark
in the early morning when wondering how early morning you would have, fantasizing of a spicy Omar breakfast
When staring at my foot, imagining how you would put your style on it
When writing a flattering letter to a nurse, believing in its importance and consequence because love is a given, to be served and spread and opened with no fear because Omar thought me so
When waiting for mother because mothers are on all sides of the bridge
When almost choosing the sweet corn option in the salad bar
When chewing on the baby mais
When mama bought bling bandages at the pharmacy
When eating strawberries wondering if they would make your tongue blister
(to be continued in the ending)

Now here is the celebratory conundrum
Excerpts from Yesterday
I was closing my eyes and dreaming that the paracet fizzy water was a deliberate vitamin come down in preparation for a next adventure, it made me think of you ofcourse
I almost started to cry when I tasted what they had done to the potatoes. This made me wish for yours ofcourse
The shock of realizing that there was nothing pink to see in the entire room, then I saw you clearly in the color of mind
I was looking at my foot, the same whiteness on the 4th day, wondering what do decorate it with, making a note that you would know best
at 23:50 I was trying to pee in the dark, looking for the right tricks, no shame all fun, thinking of you made it come

And the same unconscious conscious pattern of connections goes for the day before that and before that and Thursday and Wednesday and so on and so on and so on.
So, do you see what I mean? You have been with me today just as much as any other days, I have just struggled to find appropriate ways to add you in thought sequences with balloons in logical connections. Not easy. Vlad showed up. I have no explanation

When trying to sing forever young, no conviction was found because you`ll always be the most handsome oldie I know

grounded floor, molded confirm

about time

i woke up by the neighbor coughing blood in the stairs again. INSTINCT i jump up and out fast as possible and wash it away. i hope that if he is sick to death his last days will be cheerful and full of the drinks he likes. i am drinking the wrong kind of beer i promised myself that if i have to drink beer after dark it has to be a german one and look this one is not.
writing to write, writing to stop constipation, writing to talk to my wife in crime in the mental channel finally again. Do you often think about that you as Lill Apocalypse belongs in Los Angeles? i cannot remember this.
january is a fat and dirty blanket. berlin is full of dogshit, swamps of mud and the excess onions from their døner and 4 times a day we bring it in and sleep on it before we wake and do it all again. many a beer. when will the beer ever see the daylight? LA puts u on a boat of lime sliding down the river of mexican beer so ur good and ready for the night
i met 2 ducks this christmess, the most beautiful ducks bred for eating by man. imagine a stokkand x3 and they love each other and fear everything else. fear of everything else might come with being bred as food. a good instinct when your chest is too heavy for your wings to bear you, your chest is bred so huge for it is meat on a plate and you have no chance of flying away from the slaughter man. anyways these ducks now live with good people and are safe, eating snails every summer and bread every winter. the other night one of them was found lying inside his house full of blood, shaking. a stripe of blood left from his desperate walk to his house. The good people figures he mustve been bitten by a big dog by the footprints. the other one is not to be found but after searching they find her lying under the house frozen by shock and tho she normally would never let anyone touch her she is so in shock that she lets the human carry her up to the house. they are taken to the vet and given penicillin down through the beak every night.
i hate the circle of life. i hate nick and johnny. i love that u made me write this much. i love that a T was stuck inside of me to stop the bleed thats how old i am